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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27786613">What a Feeling</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_itoshi/pseuds/h_itoshi'>h_itoshi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hey! Say! JUMP</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, OTP Feels, Obviously started before tumblr banned adult content lol, Things go fast, This goes as birthday fic right?, cheesy shit, completely self-indulgent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:20:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,544</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27786613</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_itoshi/pseuds/h_itoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s ridiculous, it really is, but he’s pretty much fallen in love with a tumblr blog about porn.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chinen Yuri/Yamada Ryosuke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey guys!<br/>This is a fic I started back in 2017 (I think?) completely self-indulgently, but then it was like 8k and I figured it was a shame to keep it in the wip folder, so I dusted it off and finished it for Chinen's birthday. Yay! I guess. I didn't bother changing thw whole tumblr thing so have some imagination.<br/>Hope someone else enjoys my OTP indulgence lol</p><p>Also this fic is pretty much finished so I'll be sure to post once a week like a small advent calendar :3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Chinen kicks off his shoes and drops his bag while unzipping his jacket, sighing as he strips off outerwear after a long day covered in them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s so tired, so irritated, a bad day from the moment he woke up this morning. A new group assignment, 30 pages to read by tomorrow, an absent professor and a postponed lecture to the afternoon because of it. Yuto and Keito asked if he wanted to tag along and have coffee but he declined, a slight headache sneaking onto him and he just wanted to go home and be alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flicks on the electric kettle as he passes the kitchen counter in order to set his laptop to charge for tomorrow’s lectures. He glances at the dishes in the sink but he can’t be bothered. Not today either. Instead he focuses on the instant coffee he usually gets when he comes home, hoping it’ll cure the threat of a headache.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sits down on the bed and flips the TV on, his bed doubling as a couch since his room is so small. There's commercials on and he doesn't make the effort to check what the main show is right now. He doesn’t intend to watch TV anyway, it’s just background noise. There’s something else he wants to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His fingers are trembling in guilty anticipation as he types the very suspicious url into his phone browser, hoping there’s something new. His heart thumps ridiculously hard as he doesn’t recognize the top post, and if he wasn’t all alone with no one to judge him he’d be embarrassed at the fact.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>/U like dirty talk???</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh YES. Just the idea of someone whispering dirty things they want to do to me in my ear can get me hard no matter what I’m doing at the moment~/</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen bites his lip, wondering if his question will be answered or ignored.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s ridiculous, it really is, but he’s pretty much fallen in love with a tumblr blog about porn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuto keeps telling him it’s definitely a dirty old man or a straight 15 year old girl running it, but Chinen doesn’t think so. It’s a gay porn blog, and he accidentally found it almost 4 months ago when he was randomly scrolling suggestive gifs because he had nothing better to do. He still remembers the picture that caught him, a fantastically realistic fanart of two idol boys making out backstage, and he ventured into the original blog for more like it. And he found himself scrolling it for almost three hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a popular blog, 9000 followers and much interaction, much activity. The thing about it is that it has Chinen’s taste down perfectly. There’s drawings, gifs, anime, edits and cuts from live action porn, but everything has the same vibe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s desperate but not humiliating, more like clutching fingers and whimpered moans and faces contorted in pleasure than open greedy mouths and spanked asses. It’s graphic but not vulgar, enough filth to satisfy the need for something dirty but also enough left for the imagination to wander. There are somehow always feelings involved, either love or lust but there’s never mindless porn, always works with thought behind them. Something </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even the kinks are so specific Chinen could have written an essay on his own and still not gotten a blog as good as this one is for him. There’s roughness, slamming against walls and throwing down and hair pulling and biting and hickeys everywhere, but there’s also sultry things like silk ribbons and roses and soft candlelight. There’s collars and chains, soft wanton kisses, lots of tongue, mouth, orals. Fingers, both slick and dry that goes wherever they can, so much teasing and writhing and moaning Chinen often has to pause because he’s getting way too hot too quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s tried to put his finger on what exactly is </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> his thing about everything on the blog, but he can’t put it into words. He thinks it might be the tender touch even to the roughest stuff, that the humiliation aspect is never present, that the dom/sub part never grows too obvious. He’s not sure, he just knows he loves it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so the person who runs the blog is painfully intriguing to him, because he wants to know who thinks so much like himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The profile introduction says ”Hi~ I’m a guy, 24, I run this m/m blog for my own fun. Things will be nsfw so if you’re under 18 you should probably close this down. Ask me questions! Whatever you want &lt;3”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Chinen really believes it is a boy his own age who runs it. He stalks the blog every day by now, even though he won’t actually press the follow button since his own tumblr account is all about dance and he's not going to show off his taste in porn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there are often tags like ”please do this to me” or ”how hot is this” and Chinen feels like he gets to know this person more for every new post there is. There’s also been lots and lots of anonymous questions answered, and it seems like this boy is still a virgin, at least he’s never slept with a boy before because he claims he's socially awkward in real life but he really wants to know what getting fucked feels like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s amazing what some people write to him, vulgar and lewd things, but many questions are answered and the boy seems hopelessly flirty, like he’d chat with every single one of them and Chinen is so jealous. Mostly because he doesn’t have any courage online, never really feels anonymous and it took him months to even dare writing things to this blog, but also a little because he wants to feel special.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because once his first question was sent, after checking 15 times that he really was logged out and posting as anonymous, Chinen got a reply. He'd thought long and hard about his question, wanting to ask personal things but not personal enough to be ignored, and he felt like there was a thin line. He also refused to be one of those who just threw out some filthy comment, but still not come off a complete prude. So in the end he settled with making up a scenario somewhere in between innocent and not.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>/Imagine you meet someone so hot you can barely look at them, someone who's your type down to the style of his hair and the way he holds a glass. Someone who knows your name and you know theirs but not much more except you know you really want them. What does it take for you to make the first move?/</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He ended up asking, then second guessed himself several times over the coming couple hours before there was a reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>/That they show interest in me. I'm shy around people but if I can tell they're interested in me too I don't have much shame. If he'd smile invitingly at me I'd definitely walk up to him ;)/</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And after that first reply, which was mostly innocent but still had his heart beating faster, he couldn't wait for the rush of getting another one. So far, he's gotten four replies on his in total four questions. He tries to be innovative, think of different things to write than anyone else, and in the end, his questions have ended up being connected to the previous one. Almost like a conversation, drawn out over several weeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that's what makes Yuto call him hopeless. That the most excitement his emotional life gets are replies from a porn blog that could be run by anyone, that his heart beats faster whenever this boy writes something about himself, dirty or innocent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There has been one picture. Chinen almost died when he saw it, because even if there was nothing revealing about it, he still got all the confirmation he needed that this is in fact a young man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was someone relentlessly asking for pictures, who kept being declined, and then finally whoever asked gave up enough to plead for a picture of a favourite body part.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And there was a picture of a collarbone, throat, shoulder, bare skin with a couple scattered beauty marks, the neckline of a low cut shirt and the chain of a necklace showing. A simple cell phone picture without a face, but that broad shoulder obviously belonged to a man, and Chinen found himself wishing he could smell warm tanned skin through his phone screen, wanted to run his lips along that throat and just breathe. But of course he can't. The whole thing is just a dirty fantasy confined to a screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But still his heart almost stops when he scrolls further down and he finds his own words in the small gray askbox.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His question is based on the previous answers, answers about what it would take for him to go home with someone, what he'd let people do to him, and there had been a very clear hint in wanting a relationship more than quick fucks with strangers, so he'd simply asked around that. If he'd keep it a fling or want a relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>/I'm secretly a hopeless romantic~ Just mindless sex is hot, but in the long run I'd prefer a romantic relationship where you know everything about your partner and can make them fall apart in seconds/</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen wets his lips as he reads, thinking that this boy really knows how to keep even monogamy and faithfulness suggestive and sexy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the back of his mind, he thinks that a 24 year old virgin boy can't be as perfect as he wants this person to be, that the collarbone pic might as well have been taken from anywhere on the internet, but he can't help imagining someone really hot behind this taste and text. He can never get a proper image in his head, but his imagination is enough to provide warm hands, hesitant touches and soft breath, tanned skin and scattered beauty marks and broad shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels himself swelling in his pants as he keeps scrolling through the new posts, a few questions and a lot of images, but he likes the tease of ignoring it. He's always disappointed when he reaches the end of new material, but that's when he usually scrolls back to replies and stares at the flirty words while imagining how they'd be spoken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, as always, he drops his phone aside and closes his eyes, hand finally sliding inside his pants and it's so </span>
  <em>
    <span>good </span>
  </em>
  <span>even though he knows it'll always just be a fantasy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except Yuto doesn't think it should be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”Why don’t you just ask if he wants to fuck?” Yuto rolls his eyes as Chinen picks up his phone, his voice so loud and drunk that Chinen jumps because he was just looking at the time. It’s 2:13 in the morning and they’re both seated on a ratty sharehouse couch with more or less empty beer and liquor bottles in front of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”What?!” Chinen calls back to be heard over the music, not even the amount of alcohol currently circulating in his blood enough to just admit he knows exactly what Yuto means.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”That porn guy!” Yuto goes on, and the drunkenly giggling girl seated on the armrest turns to look at him interestedly. ”You know, your old man!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”He’s not an old man! Stop it!” Chinen complains, leaning back heavily in the couch because fuck he’s too drunk to argue with Yuto about this </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Yuto’s already nagging every other day to the point where Chinen doesn’t talk about it anymore. It already took him two months to even mention the blog and he was drunk that time too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”Whatever, why don’t you just write him? You can just say you’re head over heels and wanna take his virginity even if he’s 45 years old and ugly?” Yuto tries, voice passionate as he leans back as well, grabbing Chinen’s shirt over his heart and more or less accidentally digging fingers into his pectoral. ”That you love him with all your heart and don’t care what he looks like?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”Quit it!” Chinen groans, slapping Yuto’s hand away and hides his face in his hands. ”I’m not writing! Just let me enjoy my porn in peace!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”You’re so weird!” Yuto complains, drawing out the last syllable into a whine as his forehead falls heavily onto Chinen’s shoulder. ”Why are you so into emotional torture?! Wait is this intervention turning you on too?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His head snaps back up so quickly it obviously makes him dizzy since he looks very nauseous when Chinen drops his hands to look at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”No!” He calls, then frowns as Yuto’s facial expression doesn’t change. ”Are you gonna be sick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuto swallows once, then looks up with an uncertain expression. “Nah, I'm fine. Wanna get another shot?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere at the back of Chinen's mind he thinks that it's a pretty damn stupid idea, but he finds himself laughing and nodding because more alcohol is also more fun. Yuto is fun. Keito was at the party to begin with too, but last time Chinen saw him was before midnight with a girl in a short dress in his lap so they won't be looking for him. Just because Keito can get laid whenever he wants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They end up having more than one shot, and Chinen's not entirely sure what's happening except he's having so much fun and Yuto smells really good. The armrest girl definitely thinks so too since she slips down from there and halfway into Yuto's lap, and even though Yuto doesn't really give her much attention Chinen is still somehow jealous. Not of crawling into Yuto's lap because he can do that whenever he wants, but of the closeness. He just wants someone close, a warm body that smells of cologne and pheromones, preferably with strong arms and tanned skin and beauty marks. Actually, he doesn't want anyone that doesn't fit that image in his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And even in his intoxicated and slightly stumbly state as he finally reaches his own front door at five minutes to four in the morning, he realizes that maybe his feelings for that blog aren't very healthy after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen wakes up the next morning from a happy chime produced by his phone, even though it takes him a while to register what exactly woke him. He can already feel the hangover even though he didn't even move his head yet, let alone tried opening his eyes. But then there's another chime and he groans, slowly turning his head to face his phone next to the pillow and slowly, slowly opens his eyes. It's very bright, he didn't draw the blinds yesterday, and he has to blink several times before he can focus. But he can already tell he's not entirely dead. Just almost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Coffee, a shower and delivery pizza should be able to restore him to mostly normal function. Good thing he doesn't have to leave the house today.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes another chime for him to actually reach for his phone to see what all the fuss is about, slowly rolling over onto his stomach to avoid the sunlight and the risk of dropping his phone in his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's Keito spamming their Line chat with desperate pleas for help but Chinen isn't that interested in helping.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>/</span>
  </em>
  <span>I'm awake so can I leave?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Do I have to leave a note??/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Should I wake her up or does that send the wrong message/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Or do I wait until she wakes up/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/What if it takes hours I can't pretend to be asleep for hours</span>
  <em>
    <span>/</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen just rolls his eyes and unlocks his phone to tell Keito to shut up because he's trying to sleep, but then realizes he can't sleep more anyway now that he's awake and it's apparently ten minutes past 11. He still sends the message though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/DON'T ABANDON ME/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keito's upset message shows as a preview at the top of his screen and he smiles even though his face hurts a little, taking pleasure in Keito being miserable now since he was the happiest one yesterday.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen tries to recall exactly what happened between sitting with Yuto on the couch and getting home, but thinking hurts his brain right now and he figures it'll come back to him later today. It usually does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Just leave, who cares/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finally writes because it's not like Keito's gonna meet this girl ever again anyway. He just has a tendency to make things so difficult for himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs, leaning his chin on the pillow as he opens the tumblr app for some mindless scrolling before he has to consider maybe leaving bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then he pauses with his finger just about to start scrolling because something is out of the ordinary. The little happy speech bubble at the bottom has a little “1” on it. He frowns and presses it, half a thought into if there's some porn bot trying to chat him up, but then he freezes inside and he suddenly wonders if he's about to throw up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he recognizes that profile picture. He recognizes the blog name. Too well, way too well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so he just stares at the start of a private message and he wonders if he's still drunk, dreaming, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything, </span>
  </em>
  <span>because this can't be real.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/... This might be the sweetest thing I've ever received? I don't even know how to/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Is all Chinen can see but his fingers are suddenly shaking so much he can't press the message to read the full thing, brain working on highest capacity to try and figure out if something happened last night that could explain this but he can't think of it, panic making his heart beat so fast he feels dizzy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, he steels himself and presses it. And immediately wants to smother himself with the pillow when he sees the full conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/September 27</span>
  <span>th</span>
  <span> 03:26</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How do you mske even relationships sound so sexy? I'm jelaous. I can't make anythihng sound sexy when trying to think of things to ask you, it just gets mushy and I delete it. I wanna wrtie you all these hot things but I'm just awkward because I like you so much and you're just a computer screen. Please teach me/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/September 27</span>
  <span>th</span>
  <span> 09:34</span>
</p><p>
  <span>… This might be the sweetest thing I've ever received. I don't even know how to respond, wow. I mean, thanks, maybe?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen drops his phone and buries his burning face in his pillow, whining even though nobody can hear him because he can't fucking believe it. Vaguely, somewhere, he remembers being upset he had nobody to sleep with and considered complaining in an anonymous message. Except this isn't anonymous and it's a confession not a complaint and he couldn't feel more embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Oh my god I'm so sorry I was really drunk writing this./</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He types, then sends it before he can second guess himself, feeling like he definitely needs to apologize despite knowing very well this blog gets much stranger confessions than these.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hides his face in his hands, headache even worse with the sudden onslaught of stress, and the message vibrating his phone doesn't bother him now because he couldn't give a fuck about Keito's problems when he just got his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's not even entirely sure why he's panicking so hard, if it's the shock or the idea of humiliating himself or the small spark of hope in his heart that he wishes wasn't there because he's just going to get hurt now. Some things are better left untouched and this was definitely one of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, he can't breathe properly into his hands and drops them, only to pause midair as he sees a reply in the still open chat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/September 27</span>
  <span>th</span>
  <span> 11.23</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Don't worry about it, I've seen worse. Yours is still cute though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>September 27</span>
  <span>th</span>
  <span> 11.24</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Do you really dance?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen blinks once, then again as he just stares down at his phone, trying to comprehend what's going on. After a moment, it finally sinks in that his internet crush has been stalking his tumblr profile and therefore definitely seen videos of his own dance performances and he wants to lock everything on his blog now but he knows it's already too late.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck.” He breathes out into the quiet room, no idea how else to get over the mess of feelings inside him right now. But in a way he's glad he's hungover, or he'd overthink this even more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/I'm still embarrassed./ He writes, hoping that somehow conveys how his cheeks are burning in shame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/And yeah I do. Why?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He draws a deep breath, then stares into nothing while trying not to listen to the wall clock ticking, still feeling like this is probably a delusional drunken dream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then his phone vibrates and it's embarrassing how desperately he throws himself over it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Don't be. I don't judge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And I'm so jealous! I wish I could dance properly/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen just gapes at his phone, unable to grasp why this boy would want to talk to him out of all the 9000+ people he could choose from, but he can't keep himself from replying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He says that dancing isn't too hard, and gets back that dancing is meant to be expressive and attractive and not everyone can do it good enough to show that. Chinen replies he's not sure he can do that either but he does his best. He doesn't mention the fact that if there's anything he feels confident in it's dancing. He loves it, practises three days a week, both in classes and with his dance group for performances. The only time he really feels liberated and like he has no boundaries is while dancing, but still he can't really seem to say that now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/If any of the people in those videos is you I'm already convinced you can/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/... Oh wait that sounded creepy, sorry, I kinda stalked you/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen stares at the messages, feeling a mix of flattered arousal and disbelief, and in the end he can't keep from breathing an incredulous laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/.... You think YOU'RE creepy?? Seriously? I just stalked your porn blog for months and then randomly send you drunken confessions/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He types, then hesitates for a moment before pressing send. He still feels so weird about this, almost wondering if Yuto somehow hacked his phone and managed to prank him somehow, like this conversation shouldn't be happening or at least not flow so easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/... I still think this is sweet./</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/You should see the really creepy things people send me. I only respond to like 1/5 of it/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen wets his lips, uncertain where to take this conversation, concerned he might blow it somehow because this person sounds so very normal and open for chatting that he doesn't even know how to handle it. Whenever he fantasized about talking to this guy he always imagined steamy texts and being unable to keep his hands off himself, but all he wants to do now is reply and get messages back, doesn't want to let go of his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/I feel very flattered you replied to all of mine then/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He settles with, trying to keep it flirtier than he ever speaks in real life because he wants to keep the interest of this person even if it's just a one time chat to pass time or whatever reason they have to talk to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/I did?? You must be good at asking questions. What did you write me??/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen pauses for a while, putting his phone down while debating whether to confess this, one or two of his questions less clean than the others, but then decides what the hell. It's not like they know his name or face anyway. So he swallows his pride and sends the screenshots of answered questions that he saved and hid well from Yuto in a folder called “math stuff”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he waits. The minutes pass by, much longer than any other reply took, and Chinen's starting to feel nauseous again, palms sweating and panic starting to tug at his nerves, reality crashing down on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But just as he's about to freak out, his phone buzzes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/No. Fucking. Way/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/I just/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/omg/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Can I just/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Who are you?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen watches the messages pop up and he frowns, wondering what's going on here and he has definitely no idea how to reply to the last question. So he decides to just write vague things but still of relevant interest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Uhm. I'm. A university student? I dance? I'm 24? A boy? Who are you?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's scary to add the last part, but it's thrilling too, hoping for a positive answer and he can feel his heart beat almost out of his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Are you serious? Like. Are you really 24?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/I'm not a university student and I don't dance. But I'm 24 and a boy, too?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen raises an eyebrow, because the message sounds so desperate and he considers how easily he could lie right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/You've already seen me dance so. Judge for yourself?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ends up typing, wondering how else he could prove his age without showing himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The response takes a while again, enough that Chinen puts his phone down and closes his eyes, trying to make time pass quicker, trying not to think of how this boy might be watching dance videos of him right now and maybe mistaking him for someone else. Might think he looks like Senga or someone else who's taller and prettier. But when he receives the answer he just gapes at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Okay uhm this is really sudden I guess but. Can I have your Line or something? Maybe?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Sorry. I just. I've used to wonder who wrote questions like those and I can't believe you did all of them and I just. Wanna talk to you I guess./</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Wow I'm awkward/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen wets his lips, staring at the messages and his heart is beating so fast he feels a little lightheaded. If he used to have a crush on this guy, he’s pretty sure he just fell in love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His fingers hover over the keyboard, wondering how to respond to this, if he should just give his Line ID, or if that’s stupid considering he’s at the disadvantage right now. He doesn’t know anything about who this person really is, has nothing to ground him in the real world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Can I... maybe have yours first? Sorry but I really don’t know anything about you so it feels a little weird/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ends up with after trying to explain himself in all kinds of ways but figures less is more and presses send before he changes his mind. And waits.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Oh. Didn’t think of that. Just. Please don’t out me lol/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then there’s an ID.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen draws a deep breath before copying it and opening his Line app instead, pasting it in the search field and finding a matching account with an aesthetic, sunset silhouette profile picture and a name onto it. Yama-chan, and some sparkly emojis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stares at the picture for a long while, at the hair blowing and the hand pushing up a pair of sunglasses and it looks so hot even though all the facial features are in black shadow. At least it’s a man. He takes another deep breath and presses add, swallowing as Line suggests he starts chatting with his new friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just needs to stalk first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cover image is just as aesthetic, a shot of Tokyo at night that matches the profile picture effortlessly, and Chinen’s starting to understand how this boy has the energy to update a porn blog with ten new thought-through posts a day. He obviously loves fixing with pretty things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There aren’t many posts, an update roughly once every three months, things like ”Disney sea with Tsubasa-chan~ &lt;3” and a photo of popcorn and a female hand with polished nails doing a v-sign, or ”the award for worst birthday gift ever goes to chihiro” and a photo of a pink sweater saying I LOVE MY SISTER in hot pink sequins.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen pauses to look at the date. May 9th last year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He jumps as a message rolls up at the top of his screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/You found me~/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It says, and Chinen abandons his scrolling even though he really wants to find a picture of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/I did~/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He replies, unsure how to go on with the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/I’m glad you did. Half a minute I thought you were gonna bail/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It says, followed by a blushing emoji, and Chinen smiles because how the hell could he.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Couldn’t pass up this opportunity, I’ve only stalked you every day for months/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He types, then hesitates for a moment before he goes on. /Had to know if you really were a person/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Haha. I am, promise~ ;)/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/So how are you? What are you doing?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen blinks, but then replies, saying he’s still in bed hungover, and so somehow the conversation just flows for the rest of the day and a majority of the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen learns to call him Yamada, and he’s such a sweet person his heart heats up several times during the day. He talks about how his train ride took forever, that he can’t wait to get home, that he had a friend meeting up for coffee at some ungodly hour and that’s why he was out so early.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They realize they both play the same online game and that part of the conversation lasts an hour, and somehow everything just feels so. Good. Almost too good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But clearly he's not the only one who thinks so, since at a quarter past 11 when he's just considering going to bed, a message pops up on his screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Can I ask something? It might be sudden and weird and you can say no if you want but/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Would you meet me sometime?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It almost feels like a physical, hot punch to read the words, the black letters popping against the white bubble and Chinen can't keep from smiling stupidly like he'd been asked in real life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Of course I would/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sends, then pauses to think if he should write something else, ask for place and time or date or where the hell he even lives, but he doesn't have time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/REALLY?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Are you serious because if you're not/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen rolls his eyes, both flattered and worried about all this second guessing, hoping Yamada doesn't think he's so much more than he is because Chinen really isn't worth all this fawning. He's heard a few times that he's cute and he's happy with his body, but he wouldn't exactly consider himself head-over-heels material.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/I'm pretty damn serious/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Can I confess something?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wets his lips before deciding to share.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/I thought about you all night yesterday when I was wasted and that even if my friends hooked up with people I didn't want anyone who wasn't like you. And I don’t even know you. Ask me again if I'm serious, I dare you/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There's a pause, and Chinen's heart is beating so fast he wonders if it's going into a cardiac arrest soon because it can't handle more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/... Oh. Fuck/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/I live in Tokyo where do you live?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen draws a breath, the smile mostly relief he wasn't called out on being creepy but also at the answer being Tokyo, that they're in the same city.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Tokyo too/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there's also nerves. They both live in Tokyo. What if they live close. What if they don’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/I... Uhm/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Are you busy tomorrow?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Oh god sorry I'm so desperate I should just shut up/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/When are you free?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen blinks at his screen, even breathes a nervous laugh into the quiet room because honestly, he doesn't have plans for tomorrow. Other than buying groceries and cleaning and that doesn't count as plans. Except the panic at imagining meeting tomorrow makes him feel nauseous, the excitement fluttering around like butterflies in his stomach only making the feeling worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Haha I AM free tomorrow but. Otherwise next week or so?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He writes, giving up trying to distract himself as he just stares at the words he just wrote while waiting for a reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Seriously?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/.... Harajuku at 11? Too far? Too early? Too something?/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chinen smiles, thinking that it's probably too soon if anything because there's less than twelve hours until then and he won't be able to sleep and he should tell someone about this but it feels so surreal he's not sure he didn't just hangover make this up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>/Too nothing. I'll be there/</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finally types, heart thumping hard in his chest when he receives a reply that simply says “looking forward to it~” with a heart emoji attached, and he smiles stupidly as he reads it, but at the same time he wonders what the hell he just got himself into.</span>
  
</p><p> </p><p>~*~</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just want to say that this whole fic is in fact a tribute to that shoot Yamada had with a blue sweater with some bird print and brown hair and a green smoothie. Because wow. (Can't remember which magazine it is right now but you know the one right? He's INSANEly pretty)<br/>So this chapter basically revolves around that.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the end, he falls asleep much faster than he ever thought he could with that much anticipation in his body, but instead, he wakes up several times during the night, thinking he overslept. He remembers looking at the time at 01:46, 03:03, 04:51 and 06:11, before his alarm finally wakes him up at 8.30 and he's so tired he doesn't think he can even get out of bed.</p>
<p>When he finally does get up, starts some coffee and drags himself to the shower, he immediately starts second guessing this decision. As he half drowns himself in scorching hot water, he can't help but wonder if he really didn't dream the whole thing. Now that his brain isn't clouded, his logic can't wrap itself around the turn of events. Can't accept that it'd be so easy to get what he's been secretly pining over for months.</p>
<p>So he opens his phone as he rubs a towel over his hair, scrolls backwards in the Line conversation just to make sure it's still there. But it is.</p>
<p>It takes him way too long to settle on something to wear, wishing Yuto was here to dress him, but in the end he decides to just go with a tank top and a plaid shirt because he really doesn't have clothes that are both coffee date in Harajuku friendly and meant to impress at the same time. At least he spends some good time to style his hair, even though he ends up retrying several times because of course he can't get it to sit right today even though he does it every day.</p>
<p>He hesitates with his phone in his hand as he locks his front door, considering if maybe he should just stay home after all, that this is stupid and he might get murdered. But it's 10.20 am on a Sunday.</p>
<p>He types a message to his group chat with Yuto and Keito, but it takes him all the way to the train station to decide whether he should send it or not. In the end, he decides that the worst thing that can happen is them making fun of him, and presses send.</p>
<p>/Just in case you never hear from me again, I'm meeting porn blog guy today and I am absolutely terrified. Not a joke. If I die Keito can have my video games/</p>
<p>He draws a deep breath before changing chat, opening the one that makes his stomach flutter with nerves to the point of nausea because there's been nothing since that last heart emoji yesterday. He wonders if he should write something, if it's his turn or why there's nothing today. 11 is in 20 minutes and his hand holding onto the ceiling rack is getting sweaty. What if it's just a big prank? And no more reply will come?</p>
<p>/Got somewhere in mind?/</p>
<p>He finally writes and anxiously waits for a reply, so tense he gets really irritated when his phone vibrates and it's some of Yuto's caps showing at the top of his screen instead of the reply he needs right now.</p>
<p>He keeps second guessing himself for every station that passes, wonders how utterly stupid he could be for agreeing to something like this when it's just a set up for disaster. He doesn't want to cry in public but he has a feeling that's what's going to happen if he's ditched right now.</p>
<p>Then it finally happens and he feels like the rock in his stomach suddenly dissolves into a thousand glittery pieces of relief.</p>
<p>/Wanna have coffee?/</p>
<p>/Also sorry I couldn't get rid of my girl friend but she just wants to see you're not really 43 and scary and then leave, hope that's okay??/</p>
<p>Chinen can't help smiling even though there's really nothing but relief to smile about, and he knows he must look dumb but he can't stop as he writes back.</p>
<p>/Sounds good. Both of it. Where do I meet you?/</p>
<p>He slips his phone back into his pocket as he's approaching his stop, and accidentally looks up to see an old lady smiling softly at him like he's the sweetest thing in the world, and Chinen wonders how obviously in love he must look.</p>
<p>He just hopes he can make it to actually meet this boy with how his heart is beating and fingers trembling. He tries to make up images in his mind, tries to accept a lower looks standard than his fantasies have revolved around so far. Tries to project a normal guy his own age, probably below average in looks, and tell himself not to be disappointed no matter what. At least not let it show.</p>
<p>The reply tells him a location and what to look for, and as he tries not to walk into people on the shopping street he types back that he's unfortunately really short and he's wearing jeans and a black jacket just like everyone else. At least his hair is brown.</p>
<p>He bites his lip as he sends it, hoping his height won't be a disappointment. It's never been before but then again he's never gone on basically a blind date and he's pretty self conscious about it when it comes to dating.</p>
<p>He can barely think over his heartbeat as he waits to cross the final street, and he starts looking for what he was instructed to. Dark jeans, black leather jacket and a sky blue sweater with a bird print. And a girl with a pale blue trenchcoat and short hair.</p>
<p>But it's more or less impossible to see anyone past the crowd, and he almost thinks he's going to pass out as he sets foot on the asphalt on the right side of the street, tries to think about what he'll do when he finds them, what a good greeting would be.</p>
<p>Then there's a touch to his shoulder, and he turns around.</p>
<p>And physically feels his jaw drop.</p>
<p>He barely registers the blue sweater and black leather jacket that was promised, or the height that's closer to his own than the guys where he has to tilt his head back to even look at them, because he's so distracted by the face.</p>
<p>It's heart shaped with a bone structure to kill for, skin flawless and eyes big and gorgeous, dark brown hair styled in lazy wavy bangs, the rest short and there's a fucking silver ring in his ear and a small, shy smile on his lips. He's so damn pretty Chinen doesn't even know what to do, his expectations exceeded and his hormones all over the place because he was nowhere near prepared to meet a fucking prince.</p>
<p>“Hi. You... Are Yuri, right?” The guy before him says, voice like smooth velvet and Chinen actually feels goosebumps on his arms hearing his first name spoken in it because this can't be <em>real</em>.</p>
<p>He just nods stupidly because he doesn't trust himself with words just yet, and that gorgeous face somehow gets even prettier as a real smile claims its features and Chinen wants to grab his face and kiss him right here right now.</p>
<p>He's not even sure what he expected. But not someone who actually fits his fantasies, someone who's way out of his own league and makes him second guess his own apperance a hundred times in five seconds.</p>
<p>“Yamada Ryosuke. Glad I found you.” He says, smiling with more confidence and suddenly he goes from beautiful to hot in the blink of an eye.</p>
<p>“Chinen Yuri.” Chinen introduces himself, and Yamada's eyes are curious as he looks Chinen over thoroughly. “I'm... Glad you did too because I would never have dared approaching you even if I spotted you first.”</p>
<p>Yamada blinks once, but then a small, embarrassed smile spreads on his lips and lights up his entire face and Chinen is already so in love with this boy. “Because you're nervous or...?”</p>
<p>“Because you're pretty, I've told you a hundred times.” A girl's voice suddenly says in friendly mockery, and Chinen realizes how spellbound he was by the man before him as he only has to blink to register the girl in the dove blue trenchcoat and trendy hairstyle standing next to Yamada. She smiles knowingly at him and Chinen wets his lips in embarrassment. “Hey there, I'm Tsubasa.”</p>
<p>“Nice meeting you.” He says automatically, and she laughs like she finds them both adorable.</p>
<p>“Nice meeting you too.” She smiles, glancing between them expectantly and lays a hand on Yamada's shoulder to demand his attention. “I'll be off now, I'm sure you want to be alone.”</p>
<p>“I'll call you later.” Yamada promises, but he doesn't seem that focused on her and Chinen feels surprisingly jealous of her even though they're obviously just friends.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Have fun on your date.” She smiles, giving Chinen another knowing look before she turns to leave, already picking out her phone from her pocket.</p>
<p>Yamada looks after her for a moment, then turns back to Chinen with a sheepish look. “Sorry about her, she's very... indiscreet.”</p>
<p>Chinen can't help laughing at the irony of the entire thing, then figures he should explain himself when Yamada tilts his head in confusion. “Don't worry. Would never have guessed you'd be timid anyway.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Yamada realizes out loud, and he looks a little nervous suddenly. “I... Am not that brave in person. Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don't worry about it.” Chinen says softly. “I'm not very brave either. Except when I'm drunk, clearly.”</p>
<p>Yamada smiles, that soft, shy smile again, a faint hint of pink touching his cheeks as he messes up his words. “I'm so glad you did. Were. Whatever, thanks for drunk texting me.”</p>
<p>Chinen smiles awkwardly himself, not sure how to reply, especially not standing just by a huge crossing in Harajuku with people all around them. “Thanks for replying to my pathetic stalker message?”</p>
<p>Yamada just shrugs, eyes glittering as that smile doesn't leave his lips and Chinen almost wants to ask if he wants to come home with him and have coffee in bed instead. “Wanna go inside?”</p>
<p>Chinen agrees, thankful to leave the crowd.</p>
<p>After some talk about the menu, they settle down at a table in the far back of the café, Yamada with some green smoothie and Chinen with a café latte because screw healthy.</p>
<p>Yamada comments that he would like to drink coffee but he needs to cut down, and after that, conversation flows easily just like online, speaking of school and work, friends and family and interests. Chinen learns that Yamada works at a nicer restaurant, that he loves cooking, wishes he could have a dog and that shopping is his favourite thing ever even though he doesn't have the funding for it, not really.</p>
<p>It's sweet, everything about Yamada is somehow sweet and the more Chinen learns, the more he feels like this person and the porn blog persona can't be the same one.</p>
<p>The conversation dies down naturally after an hour or so, and Chinen sees on Yamada's face, on his deep breath that the real questions are coming.</p>
<p>“So...” He starts carefully, fingers playing with his empty plastic mug absently, glancing up at Chinen under lashes and his beauty slaps Chinen in the face for something like the fiftieth time. “I'm curious. How did you find me?”</p>
<p>Chinen shrugs, not meeting Yamada's eyes as he tries to brace himself to talk about this. “I don't really remember, it was accidental I think? A couple months ago. But when I found your blog I got stuck and scrolled it for hours, so I just. Kept coming back? Like... Every day?”</p>
<p>He looks up at Yamada, finding him watching Chinen like he's the most intriguing thing he's ever seen, and he gets the feeling Yamada's dying to hear about this.</p>
<p>“What do you like about it?” He asks then, and Chinen wets his lips but can't help but smile.</p>
<p>“Everything.” He admits simply, because he can't even believe that part himself. “It's just... It's so my thing I couldn't have found a better blog if I had customized it myself. So I had to stalk you because if there was someone out there with my taste I wanted to be around them. Even if they turned out to be a junior high girl or a 40 year old virgin which my friends kept telling me.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” Yamada agrees, clasping his hands in his lap with a small smile. “I've had a lot of messages assuming I'm really a horny teenage girl.”</p>
<p>“I'm surprised you put up with all those messages.” Chinen admits, and Yamada laughs softly.</p>
<p>“Well, some of them are terrible. But then there are those like yours.” He says, voice deepening a little at the end of the sentence and Chinen feels his breath hitch. “The build up into a story was... Really nice. Felt like a roleplay almost.”</p>
<p>Chinen shrugs, a little embarrassed because he's definitely getting turned on and this is a public place. “I just tried to be original, I guess. Getting a reply was addicting.”</p>
<p>“I'm not gonna say how much I wanted to keep hearing your story.” Yamada admits quietly, but his eyes are dark and Chinen's starting to wonder if he'll have to tell Yamada to stop talking about this in public. “But finding out who you were was so... one in a million it kind of felt like destiny.”</p>
<p>“I guess I can believe in destiny for now.” He smiles, feeling a little uncomfortable but there are still questions that need answers, so he lowers his voice a little more. “Are you... Are you really a virgin?”</p>
<p>Yamada's eyes widen in surprise at the question, then he laughs, sounding a little embarrassed. “Not really? But I've only had girlfriends because I figured you were supposed to have girlfriends. They just... Weren't what I wanted.”</p>
<p>Chinen is so tempted to ask what he does want, to hear in that velvet voice those dirty things he's only seen in text, but he takes a breath to stop himself. “I figured. You're too pretty to be untouched.”</p>
<p>Yamada smiles, that soft pink colouring his cheeks again and Chinen almost wants to take back his words because pretty is such an understatement. “Thanks. Are... Uhm... Have you...?”</p>
<p>His tone is hesitant, and Chinen smiles, the question giving him confidence.</p>
<p>“I have.” He replies simply, and he feels the admiration in Yamada's eyes and it makes him feel powerful, experienced even though he's only had two boyfriends and it's been a good while since he got laid.</p>
<p>“I... Can I ask...” Yamada cuts himself off with an awkward smile, breaking eye contact before taking a new breath to start again. “Could you imagine... With me? No, wait, sorry, I can't say that. Sorry. Forget I said anything.”</p>
<p>He hides his face in his hands and Chinen is so busy being intrigued at how he speaks before thinking in real life too that he barely hears the question.</p>
<p>“Okay, look.” Chinen starts, trying to make this as clear as possible, and Yamada slowly looks up, cheeks pink for real now. “If I'd met you at a party or something, I'd have done <em>anything</em> to take you home with me. Anything. I don't really think you have to ask if I want to.”</p>
<p>Yamada eyes him for a long moment, lips a little parted and eyes wide in surprise, and Chinen can't believe he looks like this and is so oblivious to how fucking gorgeous he is. Beautiful in a way that's timeless, genderless almost, but then masculine with his broad shoulders, the veins on his arms where his sweater sleeves are pushed up to ¾ of his wrists, the short hair at the back of his neck. Chinen just wants to devour him and here he sits asking if Chinen could maybe imagine sleeping with him, just to be nice.</p>
<p>Then Yamada wets his lips before smiling in embarrassment, and Chinen's fingers curl slightly in some kind of reaction, wanting to grab onto him and do things.</p>
<p>“Sorry.” Yamada says softly, but the smile on his lips is brilliant and Chinen can't figure him out right now. “I just... You're really pretty. So I get nervous and say stupid things.”</p>
<p>Chinen can't stop the incredulous laugh but the flattery warms him inside out. “I think those are my lines.”</p>
<p>Yamada shrugs awkwardly, but his smile is still adorable, to the point where Chinen barely notices he shrugs into his leather jacket until he makes a move to stand.</p>
<p>“Are we leaving?” He asks, hoping the disappointment doesn't come off too obvious in his voice.</p>
<p>“Mm.” Yamada hums, but he's smiling. “I thought maybe you'd accompany me to the bathroom first?”</p>
<p>Chinen blinks, once and then twice, wondering if the implication is what he thinks it is, but Yamada just laughs at him.</p>
<p>“It's harmless, I promise.” He says, and Chinen finds himself fumbling his arms into the sleeves of his jacket and following Yamada like a little puppy.</p>
<p>There's no one in the small room with three stalls, and Chinen lets Yamada pull him into a stall and lock the door, his heart beating at double his normal speed as he feels Yamada's rich cologne so close, everything else seeming unimportant right now.</p>
<p>“I just... Want to try and kiss you...” Yamada mumbles, his hand coming up to settle on Chinen's shoulder, fingers trembling the slightest and he's a little tense, like Chinen would blow him off.</p>
<p>Chinen intends to reply something cool, but his mind won't accept any other input besides how good Yamada smells and how close he is, and he finds his own hand slipping past Yamada's shoulder and up to his neck to guide his head down.</p>
<p>A soft, shaky breath finds the air before their lips meet, and it's such a cotton soft kiss, lips barely brushing each other, but Chinen still has to hold back a moan.</p>
<p>The kiss is tentative, soft, and everything Chinen's ever wanted. He sighs into it and his hand at Yamada's neck curls against the smooth leather of the jacket collar, his body pressing closer instinctively and he feels so fucking easy but he doesn't even care.</p>
<p>Yamada's lips part against his own and Chinen savours it, lets Yamada lead and the faint cologne is intoxicating. At the first tease of tongue against his lower lip when Yamada catches it between his own, there's actually a sound slipping out, and Chinen doesn't even know what it was, half a grunt and half a moan. But it makes Yamada smile against his lips and press closer, warm body flush against Chinen's own as that tongue asks for permission more pointedly.</p>
<p>It's the hottest make out session Chinen's experienced in years, and even though he knows he should stop himself he can't seem to. Yamada's tongue is so skilled and Chinen wonders how many of those girlfriends he allegedly didn't want there really were and how long they lasted, because fuck this man has had some practice kissing.</p>
<p>Then a hand that was resting on his hip slowly starts creeping up, fingertips slipping under the hem of his tank top and Chinen actually shudders as there's a brush of skin against skin.</p>
<p>“Wait.” He gets out, his voice a rush of breath more than an actual word, but Yamada obediently pauses.</p>
<p>”What?” Yamada mumbles against his lips, lingering like he wants to keep kissing but his hand withdraws from under Chinen's shirt.</p>
<p>”You’ll get me hard.” Chinen admits quietly, a little embarrassed because that is really what's about to happen here, but the reaction is nothing patronizing.</p>
<p>Instead, Yamada pushes closer against him, pressing him flush against the wall and gasps against his mouth.</p>
<p>”I want to get you hard.” He whispers, and Chinen squeezes his eyes closed because he’s already well on his way. ”I want to get you hard over and over again, I want to do everything that gets you there.”</p>
<p>”Fuck.” Chinen whines, because he stands no chance, his erection swelling in his pants and Yamada can definitely feel it.</p>
<p>His reaction is fantastic, his eyes half lidded as he watches Chinen curiously, his hips slowly pushing up to meet Chinen's, and Chinen is so fucking ready to just let Yamada jerk him off in a fucking café bathroom on an early Sunday afternoon.</p>
<p>Then the door to the bathroom opens and they both jump, effectively springing apart in pure shock despite the door to the stall being closed.</p>
<p>They look at each other for a brief moment of panic, but then Yamada smiles, a soundless laugh as he runs a hand through his hair and draws a deep breath, and he looks so fucking hot.</p>
<p>Someone steps into the stall next to theirs and locks the door, and Yamada carefully unlocks theirs while still watching Chinen like he can't help himself.</p>
<p>Chinen looks back at him, and he's so fucking tempted to push him back against that wall and kiss him again, if not properly at least for a goodbye kiss.</p>
<p>But then Yamada wets his lips with another deep breath, before he turns to open the door and leave the stall.</p>
<p>Chinen follows him, catching a glimpse of his own flushed cheeks in the mirror on his way out and it makes him even more embarrassed.</p>
<p>“That was fun.” Yamada says softly as soon as there's no risk of being overheard, starting the stairs back down to the street.</p>
<p>Chinen just makes a non-committal noise, and Yamada turns to look at him curiously, his eyes still dark and playful and that's dangerous.</p>
<p>“I'm so turned on right now it's not even funny.” Chinen admits quietly, and Yamada's laughter tingles like a wind chime.</p>
<p>“Me too.” He says softly, smiling like he can't stop as he reaches over to brush Chinen's fingers with his own.</p>
<p>Chinen opens his mouth to tell him that it's not freaking funny, or that he could at least stop flirting so that Chinen could have a remote chance of willing down his still half there boner, but Yamada goes on.</p>
<p>“So.” He starts airily, not making eye contact anymore as he reaches the door out to the street, pausing with his hand on it. “When can I meet you again?”</p>
<p>“Tomorrow?” Chinen offers shamelessly even though he's pretty sure he's studying with Yuto and Keito tomorrow, but honestly, fuck that.</p>
<p>“I work until 10?” Yamada says, tilting his head a little in question, but there's a flattered blush on his cheeks.</p>
<p>“Right now that still sounds great to me.” Chinen says, and he feels like a horny 16 year old grasping at any chance to get laid. He'll be ashamed about it later.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” Yamada asks, pushing the door open and stepping outside, watching Chinen curiously. “I get off earlier on Wednesday? I can cook?”</p>
<p>“... Yeah that's probably better.” Chinen admits, following him onto the sunny street and the fresh air makes him feel more normal. He dances on Wednesdays but he can definitely miss one practice.</p>
<p>“Okay.” Yamada says, smiling enough to make a pair of girls passing them on the street turn their heads. “Come at 7 and I'll have dinner ready?”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Chinen agrees, and Yamada smiles in response as they head towards the train station.</p>
<p>There's a silence as they walk the remaining way to the station, and Chinen feels like he should say something but he doesn't know what. He still can't entirely wrap his head around what just happened to him, and the hormones still buzzing in frustration under his skin aren't making it easier.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Yamada suddenly speaks up as they cross the final street to the station, digging around in his bag for his train card, and it takes Chinen a couple moments to realize it was addressed to him.</p>
<p>“... For what?” He finally asks, feeling really dumb, but Yamada shrugs, looking a little embarrassed.</p>
<p>“For today.” He says, the words layered with playfullness, and fuck if Chinen's skin doesn't tingle at the tone.</p>
<p>“Oh.” Chinen gets out. “Thank you, too.”</p>
<p>“It's just so fantastic, isn't it?” Yamada says, sounding just as in awe as Chinen feels. “I mean, what are the odds.”</p>
<p>“Non-existant.” Chinen says, understanding exactly how Yamada feels because things like today just don't happen. Not even in cheesy rom-coms.</p>
<p>“I hope you don't mind if I text you when I get home just to make sure this actually happened?” Yamada asks, and Chinen almost walks straight into the ticket barrier without swiping his card because he's so distracted by the soft smile.</p>
<p>“Please do, or I'll start doubting it myself.” He says, feeling a slight blush on his cheeks as he has to back up a step to scan his card.</p>
<p>“Okay. Good.” Yamada says, still smiling as they head for the platform. “Which way are you going?”</p>
<p>Chinen simply nods to the left as they start the stairs, and Yamada looks a little disappointed.</p>
<p>“Typical. I go the other.” He says, and Chinen feels just as disappointed.</p>
<p>He'd like to keep feeling this enchanted, breathing in Yamada's cologne and watching his facial expressions, a real time reminder that this is actually happening. He's afraid that the second those train doors close the spell will break and he wakes up from a dream at home in bed.</p>
<p>“But we'll see each other Wednesday then?” Chinen tries, and Yamada smiles again.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I'll try and be patient.” He says, reluctantly watching his train come in to the platform in a rush of air. “I'm not very good at that.”</p>
<p>“Me neither.” Chinen admits. Not that he's really impatient, but he has a tendency to overthink, and waiting is not good for him.</p>
<p>“Then there's two of us at least.” Yamada says, turning to Chinen with a slightly tense look, and Chinen can practically see him wondering how they say goodbye in a suitable way.</p>
<p>He has no idea himself, but he wants what he can have, so Chinen simply reaches out for a hug.</p>
<p>Yamada's arms around him are strong and he smells so freaking fantastic Chinen hopes it rubs off on his own clothes. They might hug a second too long, but Yamada is the first to let go, smiling and simply raising his hand in goodbye for a second, before turning to head for the train.</p>
<p>Chinen looks after him until he disappears in the crowd getting on, and immediately gets a massive feeling of separation anxiety. Or it might be the panic of surrealism catching up with him.</p>
<p>Luckily, his own train arrives and he distracts himself with getting on it.</p>
<p>He feels weird, almost sick, his cheeks hot and his fingers cold, his mouth feeling a little dry and his skin tingles. He replays the afternoon in his head over and over, and even if it feels like it gets more dream like and less real every time, he can't seem to stop himself. At least his jacket does smell a tiny bit like Yamada, which makes him smile like an idiot.</p>
<p>When he finally unlocks his apartment door, he's so wound up he simply closes it behind him and shoves his hand into his pants. The hormones that have been buzzing under his skin since the encounter in the bathroom quickly gathers for the common goal, and he's hard again in about five seconds. He unashamedly thinks about Yamada's lips and smile and voice, and as a faint hint of that cologne rises from his own clothes as he shifts, Chinen comes so hard he forgets to breathe.</p>
<p>He slides down to the floor and draws a couple deep breaths until he doesn't feel that lightheaded anymore, staring across the room and wondering if this isn't some kind of fever dream after all.</p>
<p>Slowly, his breath calms down, and he reaches into his pocket to pull out his phone for the first time since he got off the train sometime before lunch.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Apparently, he's missed about 20 notifications from his chat with Yuto and Keito, the last message debating whether or not to cry at Chinen's funeral since he's so dumb he doesn't deserve it. There's some facebook notification too, but there's nothing from Yamada.</p>
<p>It makes him a little anxious, but then he decides he's being stupid and simply puts the phone down, getting up to change and clean himself up.</p>
<p>He ends up keeping the shirt on because it still smells just the tiniest bit, but changes into sweatpants and heats up some food after suddenly realizing how hungry he is.</p>
<p>And then he settles comfortably on his unmade bed and opens the group chat.</p>
<p>It's a wall of Yuto capsing and Keito asking if he's serious about the video games, and then both of them trying to reach him for about an hour, and then they start discussing that he must have been murdered and that they might not attend his funeral.</p>
<p>/I'm alive, I met him, he's actually kinda insanely hot and we might have made out a bit/</p>
<p>He writes, and it barely takes five seconds before his message goes from 'sent' to 'read'.</p>
<p>/Oh HAHA/<br/>/You think you're funny now??/</p>
<p>/Well guess what you're NOT FUNNY I'VE BEEN WORRIED/</p>
<p>/LIKE FOR REAL/</p>
<p>/If my skin breaks out for this I'll be so mad bro/</p>
<p>Clearly, Yuto's not amused, but Chinen can't stop himself from smiling at it.</p>
<p>/Listen I'm not lying/</p>
<p>He writes back, and sees his message get read immediately.</p>
<p>Then the chat disappears, his screen filled up with a hideous selfie Yuto took on his phone once, double chins and grimace in place.</p>
<p>Chinen presses accept call with a small smile because that picture never stops making him smile.</p>
<p>“Hi.” He says, and he can practically hear Yuto fuming on the other side of the line.</p>
<p>“If you're fucking with me I'll be really mad.” Yuto threatens, and he sounds so serious Chinen actually feels a little guilty for not being more upfront about this whole thing.</p>
<p>“I'm not, I promise. Here's the thing.” He starts, and then proceeds to tell Yuto everything, about the drunk messaging and the quick escalation, and then how fucking hot he was and that they may or may not have made out in the bathroom and that they're meeting on Wednesday.</p>
<p>Yuto remains surprisingly quiet throughout Chinen's story, and when Chinen finally pauses, he wonders if he's ever had a conversation with Yuto when Yuto's said this little.</p>
<p>“... Chii, is this fucking for real?” Yuto asks, sounding sceptical, and Chinen feels a buzz against his ear indicating a notification. Maybe Keito caught up.</p>
<p>“It is, I swear! I swear on my Arashi CDs.” Chinen tries, because there's not much more precious to him than his Arashi collection.</p>
<p>“... Okay. Okay.” Yuto says finally, his tone still sceptical, but a little more positive. “Is he really that hot?”</p>
<p>“Oh my god, yeah. Remember that guy at the volleyball tournament last year? He's hotter than that.” Chinen sighs, because he can't really believe it himself. “I don't know if I was drugged or something though? But I did see him before I ate or drank anything.”</p>
<p>“It does sound a bit fishy. You know you can't date him until I meet him, right?” Yuto asks, and Chinen laughs because he doesn't even know what this thing is.</p>
<p>“I don't know if dating is gonna happen.” He admits, and suddenly the realization really hits him. “He... Might just wanna fuck me, really.”</p>
<p>“Bro, come <em>on</em>.” Yuto tells him, completely unimpressed. “He took you for coffee, you <em>talked</em>, for like an <em>hour</em>, kissed in the bathroom and then he invited you for <em>dinner</em>? If he just wanted to fuck you, he'd be fucking you right now.”</p>
<p>“Not if you're nervous though, would you?” Chinen tries, because he sure as hell wouldn't pick up a stranger on the internet and invite himself into their bed without getting a feeling about them first. But then again, Yamada clearly isn't like him.</p>
<p>“I refer to my previous statement.” Yuto says, like that's final, and Chinen sighs.</p>
<p>“Thanks, that makes me feel a bit better.” He says. “I just, I don't know anything about him except he's hot and wants to fuck me.”</p>
<p>“Do you need to know more?” Yuto asks, then laughs. “Don't you wanna fuck him?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I do.” Chinen admits.</p>
<p>“Then fuck and see where it goes.” Yuto tells him like it's the simplest thing ever. “You're just doing the dating in reverse, that works too. You know, people who start dating their one night stands and stuff isn't unusual?”</p>
<p>“I... Guess that's true. You're smarter than you look.” Chinen says, and Yuto scoffs, not dignifying Chinen's comment with a reply.</p>
<p>“Anyway you got a picture of this guy somewhere? I wanna see if you're all love fuzz or if he's as hot as you say.”</p>
<p>“Uhm, not yet? I can ask him?” Chinen says, immediately second guessing if he really dares asking Yamada for a picture.</p>
<p>“If he sends nudes, don't hesitate to send them my way.” Yuto says seriously, and Chinen rolls his eyes.</p>
<p>The conversation goes on for the better part of an hour, and Chinen feels like he really needed this talk. If nothing else, he needed to tell someone that this actually happened to manifest it in the real world.</p>
<p>As he hangs up, his phone is hot and his hand is a little tired, but his heart jumps as soon as he looks at the screen.</p>
<p>There's some confused and left out messages from Keito, but above that, there's a message from Yamada, sent 26 minutes ago.</p>
<p>/Is it bad to admit that I jerked off thinking about you when I got home?/</p>
<p>Chinen instinctively lifts his phone closer to his chest, like anyone's around to accidentally see his screen, and he feels his cheeks flush immediately.</p>
<p>He opens the message, his lips feeling dry so he wets them, looking at the words and even though they're dirty, his heart flutters a little.</p>
<p>/I hope not, because I did too/</p>
<p>He writes, and then swallows, before simply sending it. He looks at his own message for a moment, then exits the chat in order to check on Keito instead, but it takes him a couple tries to focus on the words. He keeps imagining Yamada with his head thrown back and a hand in his pants, thinking about <em>him</em>.</p>
<p>Keito's texts feel incredibly boring suddenly.</p>
<p>/What?/</p>
<p>/Guys? Are u for real??/</p>
<p>/Why is nobody answering me, hello????/</p>
<p>/GUYS ARE YOU TALKING TO EACH OTHER WITHOUT ME WHY ARE BOTH YOUR PHONES BUSY???/</p>
<p>Chinen feels the corners of his lips twitch at the last one, but he feels a little guilty they left Keito out.</p>
<p>/Well you know, late to the party and all that/</p>
<p>He writes, but then starts typing a shorter version of the story to let Keito know what happened, until a fresh message shows up at the top of his screen.</p>
<p>/Oh fuck that's hot. Wish I could see it/</p>
<p>He feels something like a punch to his stomach, but he's not sure if it's embarrassment or arousal, or possibly both. He's never actually texted dirty with anyone before, and it feels a little weird to read those words directed at him. It's really turning him on though.</p>
<p>/Maybe you can some time/ He types, but then deletes it, setting his phone aside and lays his hands over his blossoming cheeks for a moment. He's not good at this, he just sounds cheesy, and for his own sanity he probably shouldn't get into this game.</p>
<p>He thinks for a moment, because what do you even reply to something like that? Thank you? Come on over? Would like to watch you myself? But that just makes him blush more, and so he finally ends up with something neutral.</p>
<p>/God am I happy nobody was around to see that message preview/</p>
<p>His message gets read immediately, and even though one from Keito unrolls itself at the top of Chinen's screen calling him a bitch, he can't seem to change chat.</p>
<p>/Haha/</p>
<p>/Sorry, I can keep it cleaner/</p>
<p>/I'm just really stupidly into you right now/</p>
<p>That makes him smile and he feels exactly the same, but he doesn't really know how to convey it.</p>
<p>/I mean you don't have to keep it clean? I'm not very good at knowing what to say back is all/</p>
<p>He types, and then decides to go on. /I'm pretty damn into you too, if you didn't notice/</p>
<p>His messages aren't read immediately this time, so he goes back to his group chat and finishes his explanation to Keito, who's clearly butthurt right now, so he throws in an apology, honestly saying he got distracted by dirty texts.</p>
<p>/That's okay. I can talk and you can send pics of your dick/</p>
<p>/Just kidding (or am I? lol)/</p>
<p>Chinen stares at the screen for a long moment, and then inadvertedly glances down at his crotch, for the first time in his life considering actually taking a picture of his dick. But he wouldn't dare, he feels like if there is a file created once, it would never disappear from this world and he'd be paranoid forever. Again, he has no idea what to reply.</p>
<p>/Sorry, there won't be any previews there haha/</p>
<p>He ends up with, and wonders if he should ask for that picture he promised Yuto, but he can't make himself type the words. What if he actually gets nudes.</p>
<p>/Aww, typical. Guess I'll have to wait patiently~/</p>
<p>/Can I see other parts of you?/</p>
<p>/Like, do you have an instagram or something?/</p>
<p>Chinen wets his lips with a deep sigh, feeling both relieved and sad that the conversation seems to steer into safer waters. He sends his instagram username, warning that it's mostly dance, and then immediately has to check what he's posted over there lately.</p>
<p>He quickly scrolls through his own feed, and it's 90% dance and the rest party, so it looks safe. As he checks it, he gets a new follower, and he curiously presses the generic username to explore Yamada's instagram.</p>
<p>It's obviously a very aesthetic account, with almost 700 followers, and clearly Yamada's got a friend or five who are good photographers. There are full body fashion shots, selfies with or without friends, travel pics, outdoor hangouts, parties, pictures of other people, pets, food and scenery. A popular person's account. Chinen scrolls through the little squares for a while and notices that the feed doesn't appear to end. At least he's got something to do for a while now.</p>
<p>He chats with Yamada for the rest of the day and into the evening, with a couple longer breaks, and Chinen finally says he has to sleep, there's school at 8 am.</p>
<p>Yamada tells him goodnight and wishes him the sweetest of dreams with a flirty emoji, which doesn't make Chinen want to sleep in the slightest.</p>
<p>So after tossing and turning for a bit, he picks up his phone again, and types a very familiar tumblr address into his browser. He didn't expect anything new since he knows pretty much exactly what Yamada's been doing today, but finds himself scrolling past around five new posts, and it makes him smile so stupidly he has to hide his face in the pillow.</p>
<p>They're all scenes of mostly clothed boys making out.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. Bitch.” Yuto says as he stares at Chinen's phone screen, Keito's cheek leaning on his shoulder to get close enough to see too. “You weren't kidding, were you?”</p>
<p>Chinen just shrugs, feeling inexplicably nervous as he sees them scroll through Yamada's instagram on his own phone at lunch.</p>
<p>He watches quietly as Yuto pauses, presumably opens a post and reads it, then glances at Keito, who looks back very pointedly, and then goes back to scrolling. It's unnerving not knowing what they're looking at, despite having spent a good two hours looking at those pictures himself yesterday.</p>
<p>“Like what the hell is up with his face? Is this real?” Yuto asks, finally turning the phone screen to Chinen to show off a duo shot at the beach with some girl in a sundress where they're both laughing.</p>
<p>“Unfortunately, yeah.” Chinen says, watching Yuto and Keito go back to scrolling, fingers itching to get his phone back.</p>
<p>Maybe he's not that worried about what they're looking at now, but more about what might pop up at the top of the screen.</p>
<p>“So, does he have a sister or something?” Keito asks, clearly interested and Chinen rolls his eyes and shrugs.</p>
<p>“I don't know?” He says, but then remembers a picture of a pink shirt saying <em>I love my sister</em>. He considers changing his answer, but then settles he doesn't want Keito dating Yamada's sister no matter what she looks like.</p>
<p>“So when do we meet him?” Yuto asks, finally sliding the phone back across the table with an anticipating smile, and Chinen thankfully takes it back, instantly calming down.</p>
<p>“Guys, I don't even know if this is happening yet.” He sighs, and Yuto and Keito exchange a very knowing look that is frustrating as hell. “What?”</p>
<p>“We know that it is?” Keito shrugs. “He's totally into you.”</p>
<p>“What my man here said.” Yuto agrees, clapping Keito's shoulder proudly.</p>
<p>“Well you know, he could have also picked me because I already know all of his dirty secrets and he doesn't have to explain himself?” Chinen raises his eyebrows, but they just exchange another look.</p>
<p>“Whatever you say.” Keito shrugs, his tone overly casual, and Yuto pointedly grabs his water bottle instead.</p>
<p>“... If there's something you want to say, would you just say it?” Chinen asks, the whole superior casualness irritating him more than a little bit.</p>
<p>“Why don't you check your messages?” Keito suggests, and Chinen immediately feels cold as he taps his phone and sees a preview message on his homescreen, sent 4 minutes ago.</p>
<p>/Hey is there anything you don't eat? Kinda planning dinner already and I don't wanna screw up by cooking something you don't like lol/</p>
<p>Chinen audibly exhales in relief at the innocence of it, and then looks up at Yuto and Keito, who suddenly look very interested in his reaction.</p>
<p>“... What was that?” Yuto practically purrs with interest. “What does he usually send you?”</p>
<p>“Fuck off.” Chinen simply tells him, heartrate still calming down. “What about this?”</p>
<p>“... He's so into you?” Keito says, looking at Chinen like he's stupid, and that honestly doesn't happen that often. “Can you really not see it?”</p>
<p>“Sure, but, that doesn't mean he's still gonna be into me after I give him what he wants?” Chinen objects, and Keito actually laughs while Yuto grins.</p>
<p>“You are so cute right now, like a virgin girl in a drama contemplating giving it up to the school hottie.” Keito says, and if he didn't sound so affectionate Chinen might have slapped him.</p>
<p>“Seriously though, you didn't even fuck him yet, and he's that into you. Chill out bro.” Yuto says, and Keito nods wisely like he couldn't have said it better himself.</p>
<p>Chinen just sighs and excuses himself to the bathroom. In reality, he just wants to reply to Yamada's message in peace, saying he's not that fond of mushrooms or shellfish, but otherwise he eats almost anything.</p>
<p>Yuto and Keito can think what they want, he still doesn't really want to believe that this can actually become something more than just sex. Because if he gets his hopes up and it turns out to be completely casual, he's going to be devastated.</p>
<p>When it's finally Wednesday, Chinen's so wound up he can't focus on his afternoon classes for shit. Yamada's been really bad at replying since yesterday evening too, which only adds to the rest of his anxiety. He feels Yuto eye him with pity as he restlessly rolls his pencil over his notebook, but he doesn't really feel like talking to Yuto right now. Or anyone besides Yamada really.</p>
<p>He got the address yesterday, and he's already planned out the route to take, knows it's gonna take roughly 40 minutes and he doesn't need to leave home until 6:15. He has no idea what to do with the 1,5 hour he has between coming home and having to leave again.</p>
<p>“Are you nervous?” Yuto unnecessarily asks as they're packing up to leave class at 4:15.</p>
<p>“What do you think?” Chinen sighs, trying not to take any frustration out on Yuto.</p>
<p>“What are you wearing?” Keito asks, sounding encouraging, but Chinen just groans.</p>
<p>“I don't know? It's a home date so I don't know what level to go for.”</p>
<p>He has been thinking a lot about what to wear, but every time he tried to settle on something, he got caught up wondering if they're actually going to have sex, if he should go with easily removed or nice looking.</p>
<p>In a way, he really really wants them to have sex. But then again, it feels a bit weird going over for dinner and assuming that things will lead to other things, and he realizes for about the 100<sup>th</sup> time that he has no idea what Yamada's expectations of him tonight are.</p>
<p>“Oh, can't you wear that slutty gray shirt with the buttons?” Yuto suggests, immediately getting enthusiastic approval from Keito.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that's a great idea! Wear that.”</p>
<p>It takes Chinen several moments to figure out what shirt they're talking about. “You mean the T-shirt?”</p>
<p>“Yes, with the neckline.” Yuto agrees, sounding very pleased with himself that he figured that out.</p>
<p>“Isn't that kinda dull?” Chinen asks, because he doesn't wear that top much. It's a plain T-shirt with a pretty deep rounded neckline and a couple buttons detailing the front. It's a little too showy for everyday but too plain for everything else.</p>
<p>“No. Trust me, wear it, he'll eat you up.” Yuto promises, and Chinen sighs and says he'll think about it.</p>
<p>When he stands before his wardrobe staring at his pretty basic collection of clothes, he figures that honestly, he doesn't have anything better to wear.</p>
<p>He showers and gets ready, just in case, then puts on the gray shirt and pair of black jeans, figuring it will do. He styles his hair, lightly, because he doesn't want to look too done up but still not completely plain. Then looks at the time and sees that it's only 5:50, sighing deeply as he resigns himself to suffering for 20 minutes before he can start putting on outerwear.</p>
<p>He makes it 15, playing games on his phone and literally watching the minutes tick by, then figures he might as well go wait at the train station instead or he'll go insane.</p>
<p>It feels better as soon as he's on his way, able to think about finding the right platform and where to change trains rather than if he's going to like the food or if he should bring condoms.</p>
<p>The nerves gather quickly again as he takes out google maps as he gets off the train at Yamada's station, hoping he can find the right place easily enough.</p>
<p>It is fairly easy, he only has a brief moment of panic as he can't seem to find the right number series of houses, but then he turns a corner and it's all there. He double and triple checks the number, even though there's a neat sign next to the door that says Yamada. It's a common name after all.</p>
<p>Then he checks the time, seeing that it's 7:02 and figures that at least it's not 7:00 on the second. So he rings the doorbell.</p>
<p>There's a minor, internal panic moment before the door actually opens, where he considers just turning and running. But then the door opens, and those thoughts vanish from his brain immediately.</p>
<p>“Hi.” Yamada smiles, just as brilliantly as Chinen remembers it, and it momentarily blinds him of anything else. “Welcome.”</p>
<p>Chinen nods and steps inside when offered, Yamada closing the door behind him and Chinen can't seem to help it when he leans in for a kiss.</p>
<p>He definitely didn't plan it, but Yamada looks beautiful, his hair styled but a little messy, like it lived through a tough day, his smile bright and cheeks pink and he's so close it's impossible to resist.</p>
<p>He feels Yamada stiffen in surprise, but then relax, even if Chinen's kiss barely lasts a couple seconds. It's just a greeting.</p>
<p>He smells differently, another cologne today, and there's a distinct smell of rich food and something fresh in the apartment. It smells homely.</p>
<p>“Hi. Sorry.” Chinen says as he pulls back, extremely embarrassed with himself as soon as he looks at Yamada's stunned expression. “Did not intend to do that.”</p>
<p>“Wow. Hi. Don't be sorry.” Yamada tells him, blinking a little but then smiles and takes a step back, looking flattered. “I missed you too? Shall I take your jacket?”</p>
<p>“I'm still kinda sorry.” Chinen mumbles, pointedly looking at anything but Yamada's face as he shrugs out of his jacket. “This is a nice place.”</p>
<p>It really is a nice place. Yamada is clearly interested in design, because even though the apartment appears to just be a tiny bit bigger than his own, it looks like it came out of a posh magazine rather than an Ikea catalogue. He sees into the kitchen and a hint of a livingroom, and there's sleek dark furniture, candles, plants and minimalistic art, the colour scheme gold, warm browns and white.</p>
<p>“Thank you. It's small but I try my best.” Yamada says, reaching out for Chinen's jacket and takes down a hanger for it, and Chinen feels his eyes linger on the shirt. Maybe it was a good decision after all.</p>
<p>He looks properly at Yamada as he hangs Chinen's jacket among a very neat collection of jackets and coats, taking in his simple white T-shirt and jeans and feels a little relieved about his own clothing choices.</p>
<p>“I wish I had the energy to make my place look even remotely like this.” Chinen admits, eyeing the no doubt designer lamp in the hall ceiling.</p>
<p>“I wish I wasn't so into expensive shit.” Yamada says with a small laugh, watching Chinen set his shoes aside. “It took me two months to choose a dresser and even then I had to repaint it.”</p>
<p>Chinen's eyebrows rise as he straightens up, because he would never even consider repainting anything. Probably not even walls unless they were like neon green or something.</p>
<p>Yamada just laughs and shrugs a little awkwardly under his look. “Yeah I know, trust me. I know.”</p>
<p>“Well we all like different things.” Chinen tries, but he can't keep from smiling because honestly, that's kind of gay.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Yamada agrees, eyeing him once more with a small smile, then gestures towards the kitchen. “Are you hungry?”</p>
<p>“Very.” Chinen replies, and follows Yamada into the small kitchen where it smells divine. “I may have been too nervous to eat much at lunch.”</p>
<p>“Well. Me too.” Yamada admits, looking over his shoulder with an embarrassed smile, and Chinen feels a little better.</p>
<p>Then Yamada turns to the stove and he gets a good look at the small room, a table just big enough for two set before a window.</p>
<p>“Wow. You must really want me to put out tonight, huh?” Chinen asks before he can stop himself, because it's such an ambitiously set table he's taken completely off guard.</p>
<p>A tablecloth, nice porcelain, wine and water glasses from the same series, lit candles and even flowers.</p>
<p>“Maybe?” Yamada says innocently, but then laughs and Chinen sees the blush tint his cheeks a little redder. “No I just. Like to do things properly. Is it too much?”</p>
<p>“No it's... Great.” Chinen settles, trying to think if he's ever been offered such a romantic dinner. “I feel like I should have brought you roses or something.”</p>
<p>“You can do that next time.” Yamada says, his tone teasing but Chinen just focuses on Yamada being convinced there will be a next time. “I made pasta, I hope that's okay? I kinda went through my entire repertoire when thinking of ideas, but then I didn't have all that much time and. Yeah. Do you like pasta?”</p>
<p>He sounds genuinely nervous as he lifts the lid off a pot to show off what has to be bolognese sauce, and it smells so good Chinen actually feels his mouth water. He wasn't kidding about not eating much for lunch.</p>
<p>“Oh it smells amazing.” He says, and he can practically feel Yamada relaxing next to him.</p>
<p>“Good. Thank god, really.” He says, and the sigh reveals a lot more nerves than Chinen would have guessed, and it makes him feel pretty soft. “Do you drink? I have wine.”</p>
<p>“I considered stopping after I got so drunk I texted random people online, but, since that turned out alright, yeah, I still drink.” Chinen says with a smile, and Yamada makes a face of recognition, like he forgot about that. “And I like wine.”</p>
<p>“Okay, good.” Yamada smiles, then takes one of the plates from the finely laid table and hands it to Chinen. “I'll get the wine, you help yourself.”</p>
<p>The food is delicious, and as soon as they're sitting down and eating, everything feels so easy again. It's like the first sip of wine sent Chinen's worries out the door, and he really enjoys himself. Yamada talks about nothing and everything, and Chinen picks up on his stories and adds his own, and it actually feels like a proper second date.</p>
<p>“How do you feel about dessert?” Yamada asks after what must be an hour, plates empty since long and second glasses of wine half full. “Because I got ice cream for this and I really want to eat it.”</p>
<p>“Ice cream sounds great.” Chinen smiles, because Yamada with some wine in him is pretty adorable. He didn't change that much, but he speaks a little more freely and his cheeks are pink.</p>
<p>“Thank you. I can't eat sweets unless it's a special occasion.” Yamada says with a small shrug, and Chinen eyes his build as he gets up from the table to take their plates. Sure, he didn't see Yamada shirtless, but he doesn't exactly look like he has extra fat anywhere.</p>
<p>“If you say so.” He says neutrally, watching Yamada take the plates to the sink. “Do you want help?”</p>
<p>“Oh, god no, you sit there and look pretty and I'll work.” Yamada smiles, taking out bowls from a cupboard.</p>
<p>“I'll try my hardest.” Chinen says, feeling a bit embarrassed and lots flattered whenever Yamada calls him pretty. Which has happened increasingly after the first glass of wine was consumed.</p>
<p>“I don't think you have to try very hard.” Yamada says very pointedly as he puts the bowl and a pair of spoons down on the table. “Especially not in that shirt.”</p>
<p>“You like it? My friend made me wear it, but I'm not that fond of it really.” Chinen says, feeling a little surprised and he's already considering whether or not to actually tell Yuto about that particular compliment.</p>
<p>Yamada pauses with his hand on the freezer handle to give Chinen a wide eyed look. “You're not? You know what you look like, right?”</p>
<p>Chinen looks back, feeling pretty confused, but Yamada clearly sees that on his face.</p>
<p>“You know I showed my friend one of your dance videos and she wanted me to marry you immediately?” Yamada says, opening the freezer to get the ice cream, and Chinen's pretty sure it's so he doesn't have to look him in the eye right now.</p>
<p>“I showed your instagram to my friends and they asked if your face was real?” He tries, and Yamada's shy little smile is worth everything in the entire world as he returns with the ice cream package.</p>
<p>“Really?” He asks with a small laugh. “Guess we're both approved by friends already then.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, mine are already asking to meet you actually.” Chinen shrugs, making sure it comes off like he's definitely not planning on it, but Yamada just looks flattered.</p>
<p>“Oh. Okay. Do you talk about me?” He asks, opening the lid of the chocolate ice cream before looking up at Chinen under lashes, the candle light reflecting in his eyes and Chinen kind of wants to die because he's so pretty.</p>
<p>“Don't be mad. But I've talked about you before I knew you were you.” He admits, and it clearly takes Yamada a second to understand what that means.</p>
<p>“... You talk to your friends about your taste in porn?” Yamada asks, but he doesn't sound mad, more curious.</p>
<p>“Not usually, but I talk more than I should when I'm drunk. Obviously.” Chinen says, feeling a little awkward as Yamada hands him the ice cream spoon. “They went crazy when I told them I'd actually met you.”</p>
<p>“Pretty unlikely, huh.” Yamada says, watching with soft eyes as Chinen scoops up ice cream until he almost feels ashamed.</p>
<p>“So surreal. I still don't entirely believe that we're here right now.” Chinen confesses as he returns the spoon.</p>
<p>“Honestly, when I was cooking earlier tonight I had some kind of anxiety moment thinking I'd made you up completely.” Yamada smiles, looking embarrassed, and it makes Chinen smile too.</p>
<p>“I know what that feels like.” He says, and Yamada looks up at him with a sparkle in his eyes.</p>
<p>“You've been on my mind so much I don't think I could have made it up though.” He says, and Chinen's reaction to the change in tone is pretty extreme, but he feels tingles in his stomach because the last time he heard that tone there had been a hot make out session following it.</p>
<p>Chinen doesn't know what to say, feeling even more tongue tied right now than he did in text, but Yamada doesn't seem to intend on following up that statement.</p>
<p>“Mmm fuck this is so good.” He says instead as he finally gets to eat his ice cream. “Tastes like chocolate and sin.”</p>
<p>Chine actually laughs, mostly because Yamada's facial expression as he puts the spoon in his mouth and closes his eyes makes his tingles stronger. “I'm starting to see where all the dirty talk comes from.”</p>
<p>Yamada looks up at him with the tiniest of smiles. “I would apologize, but I'm not really that sorry?”</p>
<p>“You shouldn't be, I like it.” Chinen admits, busying himself with his ice cream. “I'm just not very good at it myself.”</p>
<p>“Don't worry, we can practise.” Yamada says so sweetly Chinen pauses with the spoon halfway to his mouth. “If you want, I mean.”</p>
<p>Chinen clears his throat and ends up just smiling awkwardly. “Have you always been this smooth?”</p>
<p>Yamada just laughs and shakes his head, but he doesn't actually answer, and Chinen takes his wine glass because he figures he will need more alcohol to get through this. The wine doesn't go with the ice cream at all, but he's a student, he can drink alcohol no matter how it tastes.</p>
<p>“Oh did you want coffee by the way?” Yamada asks, like he just thought of that, but Chinen quickly shakes his head.</p>
<p>“I'd never be able to sleep tonight.” He explains, and Yamada glances up at him with a very interesting look that only lasts for a second, but Chinen sees exactly what it means. That he doesn't think Chinen should sleep tonight.</p>
<p>“That's smart.” Yamada simply says, but there's a small smile on his lips that doesn't make Chinen feel less fluttery at all.</p>
<p>He wets his lips and decidedly focuses on his ice cream.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~*~</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They finish dessert, and Yamada suggests they move to the couch. The room is a combined living room and bedroom, but Yamada's furnishing of it makes it feel like there are two separate rooms, with a small couch and table, a TV, and then the bed, bedside table and dresser on one end. There's a soft, white carpet on the floor and golden candlesticks on the small table, and Chinen's terrified of spilling wine anywhere.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your home is so fancy.” Chinen says, and he does feel a little jealous as he holds his refilled wine glass tightly in his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Yamada smiles, guiding him to the couch to sit down, and sets his own glass on the table after taking a sip. “Maybe next time I can see yours?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chinen makes a face, and Yamada raises a questioning eyebrow. “I feel very self conscious about my own place after I've seen this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That's okay.” Yamada rolls his eyes. “You know, one of my best friends sleeps on a futon crammed in between shelves filled with anime figurines. I don't judge.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah? I somehow don't really believe you.” Chinen says, because he can already imagine Yamada's expression walking into Chinen’s apartment. Politely unimpressed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well you'll just have to invite me and see then.” Yamada counters, and reaches out for his wine glass again with a cheeky smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise I'll invite you.” Chinen laughs, watching Yamada raise the glass to his lips and suddenly he feels nervous.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's like Yamada picks up on his shift of mood, because his smile fades as he sets his glass down on the table again, and he looks at Chinen with dark, serious eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Yuri?” He asks slowly, and Chinen wets his lips at his first name in that voice. “I just want to know. Is this serious to you, or just for fun?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chinen sets his wine glass down, an embarrassed smile on his lips because he doesn't know how else to react. “I've been wanting to ask you the same thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada actually smiles a little at that, but the serious look stays in his eyes. “Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I've had a crush on you for months.” Chinen shrugs. “You met me less than a week ago.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who says I haven't had a crush on you longer?” Yamada raises his eyebrows, and Chinen remembers his own messages. “At least a little something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I'd love to date you, if that's what you're asking.” Chinen says, figuring they're both just dancing around the difficult questions. “I'm not just here for an easy lay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can actually see Yamada relax, and it feels good, the smile reaching all the way to his eyes again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. Good.” He says, wetting his lips. “I just figured... I might have come off a bit slutty and I just needed to know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn't say that.” Chinen says lightly, even if it might be true. “It just felt too good to be true, almost. Like, aren't there tons of guys wanting to do unspeakable things to you? Why would I be special?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada looks at him for a long moment, and Chinen feels like those dark eyes are digging all the way into his soul, so he breaks eye contact, feeling embarrassed about what he just said. It might have been a bit too sappy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is going to sound really cheesy.” Yamada starts, and Chinen curiously looks up again. “But messages online is just a game, and I wouldn't do just anything with anyone just like that. I didn't expect anything when I started talking to you, but then you turned out to be this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He motions towards all of Chinen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I liked you already while chatting with you, and then you're this hot? I mean come on, if there is anything like destiny, this was it.” He smiles awkwardly, and reaches for his wineglass again like he tries to distract himself from what he just said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chinen smiles too, unable to stop himself. “It sounds cheesy. But I get it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That makes Yamada laugh, and he looks mostly relieved, subconsciously stroking his bangs aside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good. Guess we're on the same page then.” He says, looking at Chinen with that playful sparkle in his eyes again, and it makes Chinen's heart speed up a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess we are.” Chinen says, but he's not really aware of what he's saying because he feels Yamada look him over very suggestively. “So...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... So?” Yamada repeats after a moment as Chinen trails off, uncertain how he wanted to end that sentence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So what do you want to do now?” Chinen finally manages, sounding perfectly innocent, but he feels very distracted by how Yamada's fingers play with the wineglass still in his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada wets his lips, followed by a flirty smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to kiss you.” He says, looking up at Chinen with a warm look that feels like a hot punch to his stomach. “And maybe some other things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Chinen asks, his voice coming out a little breathy as he watches Yamada put the wineglass down again, so he clears his throat in an attempt to make his voice steadier. “What other things do you want to do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well...” Yamada starts, then slowly shifts closer to Chinen on the couch. “Would it sound too slutty if I said I want to try everything?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything?” Chinen repeats, carefully watching Yamada settle just before him, that new cologne just as intoxicating as the last one, if not more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmhm.” Yamada agrees, smiling almost shyly and it's just too much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chinen leans in, and there's something like a giggle from Yamada before their lips meet. It's more purposeful than experimental this time, and it feels so fucking good, like the dam of tension inside him just burst into fireworks under his skin. Yamada's lips are warm and taste like wine and a hint of chocolate, and it's perfect, making Chinen part his lips to carefully lick at Yamada's just to get a better taste. Yamada sighs and parts his lips willingly, letting Chinen inside his mouth as a hand rises to Chinen's shoulder, scrunching up the fabric there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chinen raises his hand to Yamada's neck, then to his hair, ear, temple, gently brushing fingertips against his skin and Yamada actually shudders.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's a slightly uncomfortable position to kiss, but Chinen doesn't mind because everything else feels so fucking good, Yamada's mouth hot and wet and perfect, and he could honestly imagine just kissing like this for the rest of the night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Yamada shifts, tugging at Chinen's clothes and breaks the kiss for a moment as he leans back on the couch to lie down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada's head hits the armrest not too gently, but he doesn't seem to care about that since he immediately pulls Chinen back to his mouth, dragging him on top of him and it's way more comfortable like this. Chinen stretches out, legs tangling with Yamada's as they keep kissing, and this time when one of Yamada's hands settle on his waist, he doesn't mind the fingertips sneaking under the hem of his shirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gasps into the kiss as Yamada's hand splays over his side, gently dragging fingernails over his skin, and it makes Yamada's hips push up into his own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His belt buckle digs into Chinen's hip and he can clearly feel the erection pressing up against his thigh, which makes him break the kiss with a more vocal gasp.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He meets Yamada's hooded eyes for a moment as he hovers above him enough to look at him, sees his swollen lips and his heavy breathing and the question in his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck.” Chinen mumbles as a response, uncertain what that even means, but he leans down to brush his lips against Yamada's temple, then his jaw and his neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His skin is flawless, and Yamada makes tiny noises over shallow breaths as Chinen kisses it. He kind of wants to make a massive hickey just to see what it'd look like, but he feels like that's too much, so he settles for just suckling a tiny bit, a gentle nip here and there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada's hips roll up in a slow rhythm, and the hand on Chinen's side unashamedly brushes higher, over his stomach, ribs, up to his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He curiously flicks a nipple, and Chinen groans into his neck, hips pushing down to meet Yamada's, which causes Yamada to actually moan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It sounds delicious, and Chinen gravitates back to his lips purely by reflex, like he could absorb the remnants of the sound that way. He shifts purposely, lining up their erections better and grinds down, and they both make a desperate sound that breaks the kiss again. Yamada's hands clutch at him, one on his shoulder and the other at his chest, and he feels so hot, wants to take off his clothes and get even closer to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” Yamada starts to say something, then breaks off with a choked noise as Chinen shifts enough to look at him, but the tiny fricition feels fucking good. He looks ravished and it's so hot Chinen's erection twitches and his hips move a little on his own, Yamada’s eyes dark and lips red, blush on his cheeks and small red marks on his neck. Chinen's reaction makes Yamada's eyes fall shut for a moment, before he swallows and looks up at Chinen with his blown pupils.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you fuck me?” He asks, and despite how obviously turned on he is, there's a hint of nerves in there, and even though that wasn't what Chinen expected from this, he's so up for it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Chinen says, and Yamada's little smile at the desperation in his voice is so hot he has to kiss him. He intends for it to just be a brief kiss, but Yamada clearly disagrees with that as he wraps an arm around Chinen's neck to keep him there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you wanna, uhm...” Chinen tries, but gets distracted by Yamada's tongue licking his lips, pausing his question to kiss some more. “Uh, bed?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmm.” Yamada hums, but it might as well just be a sound of approval and he arches up against Chinen like he didn’t hear him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But then he pushes at Chinen's shoulder until he sits back, and Chinen hurries to crawl off of him to let him get up, feeling very cold suddenly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good thing it's not far.” Yamada says, sounding breathless and looking so beautiful Chinen has to kiss him as soon as he stands up from the couch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very good.” Chinen agrees, and lets Yamada drag him along the couple metres to the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's big and the sheets are crisp and smell like fresh laundry, and Chinen happily falls onto his back with a smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now this is nice.” He says, and Yamada just laughs and crawls on top of him, pressing a wet kiss against his collarbones that wipes the smile off Chinen's face immediately. “Mm that's nice too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hands go for Yamada's hair, purposely stroking through it as Yamada kisses the skin along his neckline in a very gentle fashion but it still sends shivers all over him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then there are hands at the hem of his shirt again, this time unapologetically pushing the shirt up, and Chinen helpfully arches and shifts so that it comes over his head, the cool air making goosebumps break out down his sides.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow.” Yamada's hands splay out over his exposed torso, warming him back up again as he leans in to place a kiss right above Chinen's heart, that flutters like it could feel the kiss directly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chinen doesn't usually think his body is wow, but he does enjoy the way Yamada touches him like he's a god, curious and adoring touches that quickly learns what he likes. There's a couple wet kisses to his chest, and Chinen's breath is heaving and his hips are shifting restlessly up, wondering if Yamada's certain about who's fucking who tonight because he wouldn't mind just spreading his legs to be taken exactly like this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then there's a brush of lips against his nipple, and Chinen sighs, jumping as lips are followed by a lick.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you like this?” Yamada asks, his voice low and husky and full of promise, and Chinen bites his lip as Yamada curiously bites gently at the stiff nub.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do.” Chinen gets out, then lets out his first fully voiced moan as Yamada gently sucks at his nipple while fingertips reach up to play with the other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hand fists in Yamada's hair and Yamada makes some sort of purring noise, grinding down against Chinen's leg and Chinen purposely pushes back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh fuck.” Yamada moans against his chest, the hot rush of breath against his skin making Chinen grab at what he can reach of Yamada's shirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Off with this.” He orders, tugging at the shoulder seam and the back of a sleeve, and Yamada sits up to fling the T-shirt away, leaving his hair an even bigger mess than it already was. He's deliciously sculpted, broad shoulders and the tiniest lines of abs, and Chinen kind of feels his mouth water.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow yourself.” He says pointedly, grabbing Yamada's arm to pull him down enough to reach. His skin is blazing hot and smooth over firm muscles, and as Yamada kisses him, Chinen clings to his shoulder blades and enjoys feeling delicate under a strong man.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada's reactions are intoxicating, little sharp breaths and arches into his touch and the occasional moan, making Chinen want to do everything this man would ever want from him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada is the one to roll them over, purposely spreading his legs so that Chinen falls between them, and Chinen doesn't mind that one bit. He kisses along Yamada's collarbone, hands roaming over his discreet abs to finally stop at the belt buckle that's been very bothersome tonight and should definitely be taken off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he feels Yamada stiffen as he gets there, and shifts around enough to be able to look up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You okay?” He asks, blowing away some bangs from his eyes because he doesn't have any free hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Yamada agrees, but his smile is a little shaky. “... I'm a little nervous.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh. That's okay.” Chinen tells him, placing a reassuring kiss on his pectoral, trying to drag his sense up from somewhere under the heavy arousal. “Do you want me to wait?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Yamada quickly reassures, hips flexing up slowly and his little smile is more embarrassed than scared now. “Please do it. I want to, I'm just... nervous.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I'll make you feel good, I promise.” Chinen says, because fuck does he want to make Yamada feel good, and that seems to be the right thing to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada reaches out for him, pulling him in for a kiss, and Chinen works his belt buckle open with one hand as he thinks that kissing is the best distraction there is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The pants prove difficult since it's not his dominant hand though, but then Yamada's hand comes to help him and they manage to get them open together. Chinen doesn't waste any time, and he feels Yamada's hitch of breath against his lips when his fingers slip under the elastic of underwear to wrap around a hard cock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada groans as Chinen squeezes purposefully before starting to stroke experimentally, relishing in the feeling of a dick that's not his own in his hand again. He missed that more than he might want to admit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada turns his head out of the kiss, trying to raise his hand to cover his mouth and the array of desperate sounds that come out of it, but Chinen stops him before he even gets close. It sounds way too good to let him muffle them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fucking fuck.” Yamada moans, and Chinen leans down to kiss his cheek, then trails to his ear and that cute earring he's got, carefully licking at his earlobe before tugging at it with his teeth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada's hands come up to his arms, squeezing at his biceps and pushing him back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay okay, you, naked, now.” He says, gasping for breath and reaches for Chinen's pants like it's life or death.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chinen actually laughs, mostly because he's so turned on he doesn't know what else to do, but shoves Yamada's hands off and tells him to get rid of his own clothes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A short struggle later, they're both naked and lying down, and Chinen feels very very self conscious as Yamada looks down at his erection like he's never seen anything like it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can touch it you know.” Chinen offers, cheeks burning with embarrassment but he also feels a little flattered, and Yamada curiously reaches out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chinen sighs deeply as fingers wrap around his erection, closing his eyes to cut some of the embarrassment as Yamada carefully tries out a stroke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A little looser.” Chinen asks him, and Yamada lightens his grip a little, and it's great.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A rich moan leaves his lips as Yamada figures it out, enough pressure and friction, and it's cut short by a deep kiss, tongue delving into his mouth and it's only a few moments until he's burning and breathless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hips snap up into Yamada's grip on their own and it feels so fucking good he realizes that it has to stop.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” He says, turning his head out of the kiss, and Yamada quickly withdraws his hand like he did something wrong. “Too good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” Yamada sighs, and it makes Chinen smile, looking up at him for a moment before pushing him onto his back. Yamada's eyes widen, but he looks more expectant than scared, and so Chinen crawls on top of him, grinding their bare erections together as he does and Yamada's eyes flutter as his lips part on a delicious moan, hips pushing up for more friction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You sure you want me to fuck you?” Chinen asks, half teasing and half serious, because Yamada looks so far gone already with his glazed eyes and he can feel precome that's not his own slide against his dick. He kind of really wants to taste that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada nods, detaching a hand from Chinen's shoulders to pat around on the bed in the direction of the bedside table, then opens his eyes with a whine as he obviously doesn't reach what he's looking for.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cons of a big bed.” He mutters under his breath, and Chinen laughs but lets him get up enough to reach the bedside drawer, properly distracting him by stroking his thighs and placing a few kisses to the side of his back as he turns.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada falls back onto his back with a small noise, holding out a familiar bottle and a small plastic package for Chinen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I... It doesn't hurt, right?” He asks, sounding uncertain as Chinen accepts the items, carefully weighing the bottle in his hand with a raised eyebrow because that is nowhere near new.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it doesn't hurt. Does it hurt when you do it?” He asks, which makes Yamada flush red and it's adorable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” He confesses softly, and Chinen smiles. “But it's not great either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We'll see what we can do about that.” Chinen says, opening the cork and pouring a generous amount on his fingers, before dropping bottle and condom next to Yamada's side on the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada's watching him now, his eyes a little wary but his expression curious, the embarrassed flush still on his cheeks as he wets his lips. He looks like he wants to say something but doesn't know what.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will you spread your legs for me?” Chinen asks, his tone lower than he expected. He wanted it to be reassuring but it came out kind of filthy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Yamada heaves a sigh that seems too big for his chest, then complies, and Chinen helps, pulling and pushing a little to get him right where he wants him. “God this is...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.” Chinen reassures, this time actually sounding like he wanted to, because he very vividly remembers his first time spreading his legs for another man. Weird, embarrassing, but also disgustingly hot. “You're doing great.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He settles more comfortably, rubbing the lube properly onto his fingers and deciding that the temperature is okay, before gently brushing fingers against one of Yamada's ass cheeks, inevitably making him jump.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now, all you do is relax.” Chinen tells him, and Yamada groans, throwing an arm over his eyes before taking another deep breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chinen carefully lets his fingers approach their goal, and then leans in to brush his lips against the slightly less hard erection in front of him. That glossy precome looks too inviting, and besides, Yamada clearly needs a distraction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh shit!” Yamada gets out, mixed with some kind of pleasure noise, quickly removing his arm to look down instead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chinen smiles against his cock, feeling it swell again under his lips, and takes the head into his mouth just as he rubs the pad of his fingertips against the puckered hole and breaches inside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada makes a choked noise, a hand coming down to clutch at Chinen's hair, and Chinen just gently sucks on the head, lapping up salty taste as he waits for Yamada to relax a little more before carefully working a single finger past muscle sphincters.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He takes his good time convincing the muscles to give in to him, the blowjob mostly a teasing distraction as he works on fitting a second finger, then a third, Yamada moaning uncontrollably and half in frustration above him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he's finally satisfied with his preparation, he pulls back a little, leaving Yamada's dick wet and red and looks up to see his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes are just fluttering open from clearly being squeezed shut, the flush not from embarrassment anymore as it crawls down to his chest, and his hair slightly sweaty against his temples.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.” He says, breath heaving in his chest as he carefully disentangles stiff fingers from Chinen's hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does it hurt?” Chinen asks, even though he knows it doesn't, can't possibly hurt with how easily he can slide his fingers in and out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Yamada confirms with a sigh, and Chinen purposely pushes as far in as can go and curls his fingers, seeing if he can reach. “Fuck!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chinen smiles as he presses a little more, just to be sure, and Yamada shudders before him, fists clutching the sheets as his eyes squeeze closed, lips parted on a silent sound.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he withdraws his fingers, because Yamada's clearly ready and so is he.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh. Oh that never feels that good.” Yamada breathes, sounding both amazed and a little disappointed, and Chinen smiles as he awkwardly tries to get the condom open with his messy hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good.” He says, then gives up on the plastic. “Can you do this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It takes Yamada a second to understand what Chinen means, but then reaches out for the small package. “I can try?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Apparently, his hands are shaky too, and it's cute to see him swear under his breath until he manages to get it open.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to do it like this?” Chinen asks as he rolls on the condom, biting his lip to keep from stroking himself as he does.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Yamada agrees, eyes following Chinen's movement as he settles properly between Yamada's legs again. “I wanna see you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good. I wanna see you too.” Chinen says, because he is not missing Yamada's face as he comes. He's just not.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There's clearly no embarrassment left in times of need, because Yamada's legs spread immediately as Chinen pushes them a little more apart, and he carefully guides himself right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he starts pushing inside, he leans over Yamada, holding himself up on his elbows and Yamada immediately clutches at him as he moans desperately.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's still tight despite the thorough preparation, and Chinen tries to go as slow as he possibly can, but it's hard when Yamada's hips seem to want him to go faster.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He drops his forehead against Yamada's collarbone and muffles his own moans against Yamada's skin, pushing steadily until he's all the way inside and the pressure is just </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada's making noises that more resemble whimpers, and he's obviously not breathing properly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hurt now?” Chinen raises his head to ask, glancing up at Yamada's face, where he keeps wetting his lips and turning his head slightly like he can't make up his mind what to do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shakes his head and draws a shaky sigh. “No. Just much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take your time.” Chinen says, pressing a lingering kiss against the skin he can reach, even though personally, he'd prefer if Yamada didn't need any time at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh. That helps.” Yamada breathes, one of the hands clutching desperately at Chinen’s shoulder moving to his hair, stroking it back with surprisingly gentle movements.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Chinen moves a centimeter and plants another soft kiss, and another, resting his weight on one elbow to reach out for Yamada's other hand. The position is kind of killing his abs and his arm but he practises static muscle strength twice a week, he can manage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada's fingers lace with his and holds tight, but Chinen carefully strokes his thumb with his own and Yamada's grip loosens a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then there's a push of hips, and Chinen moans against Yamada's skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think it's okay.” Yamada says, and Chinen takes his word for it, slowly starting a rocking motion that's just a little bit of friction. “Oh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He has to let go of Yamada's hand, holding himself up better as he starts shallow thrusts, building up to a proper motion that Yamada more or less consciously tries to match. It takes a couple tries, but then they synchronize a roll of hips perfectly and Yamada cries out while Chinen moans, and from there it all goes very quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada tries to hold on to him as well as he can, and Chinen practically bends him double to be able to kiss him if just for a moment, thrusts speeding up as fire spreads through his body. Yamada's making desperate noises that sound fucking gorgeous, and he feels so good Chinen wonders if he's ever enjoyed topping as much as he does right now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada strokes his arms, his shoulders, his neck and pulls a little at his hair, gasping for breath until Chinen slams it out of him again in the shape of a moan or whine, eyes falling closed more often than not.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So close.” Yamada finally gets out, and Chinen's thrust is involuntarily a little harder, which he doesn't seem to mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Touch yourself?” He asks, both because he doesn't think his own arm strength is good enough to do it right now, and because he really wants to see it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamada just nods absently, then detaches a hand from Chinen's hair to wrap around his angry red cock. Chinen shifts the slightest to be able to look down, the angle shifting with him but clearly for the better as Yamada's moans reach a new pitch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulls himself off quickly, his entire body tensing up and his grip on Chinen's biceps is painful as he comes, transparent white staining his stomach, and his face is so gorgeous Chinen completely loses himself too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sees black spots in his vision as pleasure rips through his body, and afterwards, he feels oversensitive, like there are still remains of fireworks sparkling under his skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There's a moment of silence as Chinen heaves a deep breath, trying to regain enough motor control to let Yamada's legs down and pull out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god.” Yamada sighs, sounding so exhausted Chinen forces himself to shape up, carefully pulling out to let Yamada's body straighten out. “Oh my god I am so fucking gay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That makes Chinen laugh, almost uncontrollably as he ties off the condom and piles it with the discarded wrapper in lack of a trash bin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I'll consider that a compliment.” He says, then falls down on the bed next to Yamada, still grinning stupidly as Yamada lazily turns his head to look at him with an adoring look that would have been more likely before the orgasm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He agrees, then smiles, and Chinen leans in to place a gentle kiss on his lips, crawling closer. “My entire body aches. But I like it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It does that.” Chinen agrees, and he can't help himself as he reaches down to Yamada's stomach to draw patterns in the substance there with his fingertips. “Was it what you expected?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not at all.” Yamada sighs, but his smile gives him away as he glances down at Chinen's fingers on his stomach. “But so much better.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was great.” Chinen agrees, a thought hitting him suddenly. “And if that was the first time, imagine what this could be like.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh shit I don't think I'll survive if it gets better.” Yamada groans, and Chinen laughs, gently kissing his shoulder because that's closest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you wanna try again?” Chinen asks, feeling more sober the longer it goes, but Yamada just smiles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Aren't we dating? Sex kinda comes with that.” He says, and Chinen leans in to kiss him properly, a soft, gentle, lingering kiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn right we are.” He says, and Yamada laughs at the ferocity in his tone. “So do you have a bath?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have a shower?” Yamada offers, then shifts a little. “Just... Wait until I can feel my legs again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's almost 45 minutes later when they're sitting on the couch again, Chinen in borrowed sweatpants and a clean T-shirt, hair still moist and cheeks still rosy, when Yamada turns to him with wide eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, if we're gonna date, can I still run the blog?” He asks, genuine concern on his face, and it's so cute Chinen has to laugh at him. “What? If one of my girlfriends had known they'd be disgusted and make me stop.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I’m not one of them so, yeah, you can still run the blog.” Chinen tells him, smiling as he reaches for his water bottle on the coffee table. “... Can I have the password?”</span>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
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